Toxic

Toxic defined by the Oxford Dictionary as very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. Gaslight refers to manipulating someone using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity and powers of reasoning. In other words, a person who is making you feel crazy for their own benefit when you know you’re not.

Unfortunately, toxic behavior has become more known due to social media and access to medical information that is written for allowing the readers to understand and interpret.

All of us can share stories on how our lives have changed due to people who are toxic but also those of us who manipulate others needs to know how your actions are hurting others.

WebMD list are inconsistency, they always need attention, they can’t be happy for you, there’s always drama, they don’t respect boundaries, they manipulate others to get what they want, and they don’t accept responsibility. The effects on others are you feel like you’re being manipulated or played, you’re constantly confused by the person’s behavior, you deserve an apology that never comes, you’re always defending yourself to the person, you don’t feel comfortable around that person and finally you might feel bad about yourself when you’re with them. Go to WebMD for more information.

My ex husband always made me feel stupid around him especially when I had valid concerns about his behavior plus having to defend myself of all I do. He was never home so I had to take care of the finances, taxes plus dinner and cleaning plus the lawn. Later on, he learned quickly how good he had it.

A friend of mine who had dealt with someone who she works with in the same company but different departments. This person tried getting her fired through manipulation multiple times. She dealt with the situation by distancing herself and by not talking to anyone. Her details made me cringe. No employee guidelines plus favoritism abound to some who do more brown noising than working.

In closing, toxic people are everywhere. Check yourself that you’re not the one destroying others as I have. Not giving attention to toxic behaviors might eventually end the actions of those who contaminate you and others.

Thank you.

Leslie Elizabeth David


Holiday Stress

Holiday stress is common from Thanksgiving through Christmas even sometimes through the New Year. The sources are obvious such as work and family. Demands of both almost make it impossible for some to find joy during the Holiday season.

Work. Year end and month end coming up means making month end and year end goals. Christmas parties full of food and drink plus putting professional relationships into a social setting. Myself, I have only attended one Christmas party of my employer because I rarely share my personal life at work and discussing shop outside of work isn’t for me.

Family. One would think that being around loved ones at Christmas is the best feeling ever which many people experience bliss. Others just being around other family members is stressful and causes anxiety maybe from unmet expectations that are placed on them which heightens during the Holidays. My younger adult years were getting a call from my Mom telling me what I was going to do over Christmas without exception. Her guilt was me driving through massive snowstorms to get there on country roads that are barely plowed then having to leave later on Christmas Day to drive home to work on the 26th. She would then call me to let me know of all the “fun” that I missed. One year, I refused to travel for the Holiday which I experienced peace for the first time on December 25th with no expectations and no risking my life on the road.

As we mature, I hope that none of us add pressure to our loved ones during the Holidays. The expectations can be overwhelming for your adult kids and grandkids. Please consider what is happening in their lives like you needed when you were younger. Actively seeking what everyone needs and yourself might add joy and peace at Christmas.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Leslie Elizabeth David.

Friends

Friends. Having the few or just the one special person in your life who you can rely on. As time goes on, the circle becomes smaller because those who consider to be true friends stay while others leave.

The television show, Friends, became a hit because it showed 5 people who would be there for each other no matter what. The cast seemed like they also became the viewers friends too. The theme song, I’ll be there for You, is what real friends do.

In my life, I’ve been blessed with friends despite the problems that occurred from my premature birth and slow progress towards a normal adult life. Most of my kindergarten classmates/friends have been reunited on Facebook. Other friends, I met through work and only talk or text on the phone.

All relationships get tested usually when one person or both involved in the friendship changes. For example, I had people who I thought who was my friend who ended it when I moved 1100 miles away and three States away because I wouldn’t be physically present for them. Some, I only speak with on occasion because we view life differently on some issues. My best friends are like sisters to me.

It’s fun to reunite with friends who you haven’t seen awhile to talk about the crazy things you did together in the past and survived it.

Do you have lifelong friends? Are you still in contact with them? How did you meet? Any challenges along the way?

During this Holiday season, I hope you can meet up with your friends to have some laughs and share your heart safely plus remember the times you had fun doing crazy things while being thankful that you and your friends survived.

Cheers to friends who we trust with our heart, who we act crazy with, who accepts us for who we are and who have stuck around longer than some spouses! Lift up a glass for them.

Leslie Elizabeth David.

Life

Please forgive me for the general title of this post but it’s the best that I came up with.

For sometime, I’ve been dealing with neighbors who live two doors down who blasted their stereo and drank all night. They didn’t seemed too concerned about the young children who were sleep deprived from their actions. The local police helped to some degree for sometime. My neighbors found out that it was me which afterwards I experienced some minor problems.

After stepping back on the situation, I decided to write my neighbors a letter which was delivered through the mail. The first letter I wrote was that I stated I was no longer to be contacting the police for their late night partying which they immediately started up again after receiving it. The second letter mailed the following week was to encourage them to live with purpose and to volunteer to give meaning to their lives. I have volunteered at the Ronald McDonald house and served Thanksgiving dinner plus served at a homeless shelter plus other activities myself.

Since then, the music and late night partying has ended which I believe that they’re trying to determine their path to make a difference. Earlier this week, I decided to write a third letter on encouragement for them to find their way as a group and individually to live with purpose and meaning plus wishing them happy holidays too.

In retrospect, I know that they are being challenged to live a purposeful life which probably has never been part of conversation in their lives previously. I also mentioned that it’s no accident that we’re neighbors and that this part of the unknown. My friend mentioned the book, The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren.

Life is more than earning a paycheck and partying all weekend. Life is meant to live with purpose by helping others who are in need and making a difference no matter the scope and size. Sometimes, it’s helping a friend or a stranger in need. Or a hug and/or a word of encouragement to help someone.

This story will continue with another post. Hopefully, I’ll get to have a conversation with my neighbors soon. I understand that work is difficult and that Friday nights are a good time to have a couple of drinks and relax.

Thank you for your time. May you find your purpose in life. If you have, thank you for making the world a better place.

Leslie Elizabeth David.

Fur Babies

Life wouldn’t be complete without our fur babies. In my life, I’ve been blessed with Adrian, Seville and Madrid, and now Bella and Luna. Sukiyaki from my childhood.

The story of Bella and Luna started when I was planning a trip to my home State ever since I moved to Texas. My coworker was justifiably concerned that I would move back so before my vacation, she told me about some kittens who she found on a local Facebook community page. Out of curiosity, I agreed although I always had male felines in my adult life.

The day before my flight, I went and met my future feline divas who were full of fleas and malnourished with small size which was upsetting. Also, I learned that I would be their fourth family. After I arrived back from my trip, I went to pick them up. Then, time spent with veterinarians to help my girls get better and fixed.

It took about 6months of healing and lots of eating to get healthier. We’ve been together a year plus since April.

Pets bring so much into our lives. They know by instinct who is right for us. They also bring comfort and companionship.

Please share about your companions and pictures plus your story about how you got together. Thanks.

Leslie Elizabeth David.

The Holidays

The holidays conjure up anxiety and depression or happiness and excitement depending on your past experiences and your DNA. From Thanksgiving through New Year’s Eve, it’s a dynamic time of people who are shopping, going to parties, working and traveling even taking time to decorate your home and tree plus baking. Feeling sleep deprived?

Being our age, our situations are different from each other. Myself, I’m divorced and no kids. My nearest sibling is four hours away. Work full time plus Poshmark with this blog so my Holidays are quiet now but years ago were events mentioned previously. I’m a strong believer in taking time for yourself doing what you love. My personal experience is that continuous giving of yourself and not taking time to recharge results in a train wreck.

Merry Christmas! Happy Chanukah! Happy and blessed New Year!
Please feel to to share about your Holidays. Thank you.

Leslie Elizabeth David.



Adventure

Adventure. What’s the first thing that comes to mind? Do you remember some crazy stuff you did in high school or college before responsibility came?

Believe it or not, adventures no matter how big or small, are good for the soul. Exploring the unknown is part of the human DNA. Our natural curiosity explains many discoveries in the modern era.

A couple of years ago, I traveled to New England by myself for the adventure. On that trip, I kayaked the Saugatuck river near Westport CT and drove to Providence RI although I missed Mystic CT due to time limitations. Flown into BDL near Hartford so that I could see more of CT. In addition, I have explored areas in my region that I have never been. Traveled solo with no problems at age sixty.

Personally, I can share so many other adventures that I have taken solo but it would be pages and pages of text that would take time. A longtime ago, I stopped asking my friends who weren’t interested because some felt that it’s what younger people do.

Get out of your comfort zone and live life!

Leslie Elizabeth David.

Intuition Part I

If you ever watch, Pysch, the main character talks about strong feelings of something or someone. If something feels wrong, it is and vice versa. It’s about paying attention to the smallest detail.

At work, I was a target in a small business because I’m different than others. My gut feeling was to stay quiet and keep my distance.

Because work owners and managers don’t communicate anything, I trust my senses on what is happening. No employee handbook to guide behavior and work processes.

One of my coworker’s who is dating another one in a different department and are living together. They were both on vacation last week which I sensed that they were getting married. They did get married. After the announcement by her husband of the marriage, he got fired. Work allowed them to date and to live together but nothing was stated about commitment. My senses were right

Growing up, my Mom told me that I had a gift that was nurtured when I was a young child by my great Aunt. On winter trips to our cottage, I refused to go because I told my family that we would get stuck in the snow and end up staying in a stranger’s house. My Dad got mad me for it especially later on when it came true. Also, I call up my sister about things which the timing of the calls are more than coincidental. It’s been happening all of my life. For example, I flew to CT and landed in BDL. As precaution, I checked for who along my rural journey because I have never been. I found some of the women who my sister was friends with in high school. One day, I decided to call her unplanned and share with her about my adventures. I told her that it was intentional that I drove by her old high school friend’s homes. She freaked out because only one hour before, she ran into them in her small NY town. My sister believes that her intelligence and smartness can explain everything so it stumps and infuriates her when she’s proved wrong.

Be alert. Trust those small feelings. Observe more than speak.

Thank you,

Leslie Elizabeth David.

My #Covid Obsession

During the time of Covid which I had found time to explore. Yes, I listened to some podcasts but found myself leaning towards YouTube.

My Covid obsession on YouTube is some of the narrow boat channels filmed in England. David John’s, Cruising the Cut, which he was my first channel to learn about this way of life living on a narrow boat and cruising the canals. He is now considered to be an expert and face of the boat life. The CRT known as the Canal River Trust which is a non profit organization that works on maintenance of the locks and canals. They are there to ensure safe passage for boaters.

There’s three types of boats found on the canal such as Holiday about 30-40 feet sufficient for the weekend, Extended Cruisers are the boats that are 50 feet and are either wide or narrow beamed and the Long Term Rentals. Most of the people who I follow on the channel travel on the extended cruises.

My current channels that I follow are; Ben and Emily, The Narrowboat Pirate, One Day More, Holly-The Cafe Boat, Narrow Boat Life Unlocked, The Mindful Narrowboat, Country House Gent, and Cruising the Cut.

Why the narrowboats? The cruising on the waterways are peaceful because one hears the water as the boats are cruising and the scenery of the land which they pass by. Water is soothing and calming most of the time except some boaters who have experienced turbulence on the canal because of the changing seasons.

What did you do during Covid that you still do now?

Grateful that Covid is over. Stay healthy.

Thanks again,

Leslie Elizabeth David


The Power of Silence

On this Thanksgiving Holiday weekend, I wasn’t planning on writing about silence but more about Black Friday or about insurance on rates. Where I work, I’m far from popular and have been the target of harassment even by HR. I determined that no matter what I said or did would be used against me. Yes, I work in a toxic environment.

Because of my job duties and the environment, I have chosen not to socialize much at work and to not talk much outside of it. Some people who I work with and are high on the pay scale and closer to the owner/CEO than I decided to convince me that the CFO had a crush on me. It didn’t make sense. It felt wrong because I’m low on the totem pole thus not in his peer group. It seems that they tried coaxing me to be interested enough to pursue him to eventually get fired for an unauthorized personal relationship.

My employer is family owned and small with no written employee manual and HR policies to follow. The silent code depends on who you are and how the family feels about you. Small businesses may not always invest in time or money to create proper employee engagement policies when funds can be used better elsewhere. Cheers to the ones that have them.

The power of silence is not ignoring people who are talking to you but it’s more of not offering personal information in conversations or not sharing about your life randomly. As a friend stated, “they can’t use it against you if you’re not talking,” which she is correct. Basically, I only speak of professional matters at work. In addition, my social media settings are for people who I don’t follow and are not friends with cannot read my posts because they have checked. In truth for me, my silence helped me see better like see others for who they truly are good and bad. See situations for what they are. Plus, see myself clearer for both the good and the bad. Things I wished I could’ve done better. A learning process to become a better person.

In closing, silence gives one power in situations that speaking might cause more problems of, “The what you say can and will be used against you,” type of scenario is cohesive on being quiet. Trust your instincts on what’s best for you.

Thanks,

Leslie Elizabeth David.